Nikki

Senior, Human Services, Simsbury, Connecticut

“I can definitely say that my experience going to Jamaica has changed my life in a way that was unexpected to me. I could relate to some of the children that I had met on the trip because we shared some of the same life struggles going up. I was able to relate to them more than some of the other students on the trip. There were times where I can say I was not “shocked” to see some of the things I did. However, there was one event that truly touched me in a way that is indescribable.

We visited an orphanage called Mustard Seed that is a home for hydrocephalic children. They told us beforehand that these children were the “worst of the worst.” We believed our leaders and were excited to go but we were totally unprepared for what we were about to experience. The children at this home are severely disabled and spend most of their time in cribs. They could not communicate well or if at all nor could they do anything to care for themselves. As I went around the room to meet all the children I was touched by every single one of them. It was so meaningful to see the joy on their face even though they had to deal with so much every day. It was amazing to me. As someone who had lost her faith growing up because of the things I had experienced I found this very odd. I thought how could they be happy with what God had chosen their life to be? I feel that because I was so unhappy with what God gave me that I lost faith in him all together. This was something that I had been struggling with for a long time. I was very conflicted comparing their situation with mine.

As I walked around and played with these children, I kept reflecting on the happiness that they had and on my own joy — or lack thereof. Eventually, I walked into a room that was used for the children to spend a half an hour a day to be with God. As soon as I had walked into that room it was as if I was meant to be there at that moment. Before I could even close the door a little girl that was sitting in a chair by the door grabbed my hand like she was never going to let it go. The whole vibe of the room was overwhelming — completely indescribable. For the first time in my life I felt that God was there with me that day. As I sat with the little girl, she reached into the basket that was on her walker and handed a letter that she wanted me to read to her. It took me some time to understand what she wanted — her language was very impaired — but I soon figured it out. The letter was sent to her thanking her for giving to another organization that was in need. I was amazed by her display of selflessness when she herself is in so much need. She was so happy sitting there being with me and the other students and being with God.

We learned from the children in that room that they love having their time in room. We thought that they would be bored out of their minds but they were not. These children truly had God in their hearts and you could see it. They face so much every day and they still carry on as happy as can be like nothing is wrong. How dare I hold any kind of negativity in my life when these children who face so much worse or have nothing whatsoever? I wanted the joy that they somehow possessed.

After the trip I spent a lot of time thinking about my experience in that room that day with the little girl as well as my own faith. I believe that little girl taught me to have acceptance in my own life. She taught me the courage to be strong with what I may face. She taught me to have joy and allowed me to seek my own faith again. So much has changed in my life because of her presence and for that I am truly grateful.”

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